Tuesday, September 13, 2011

One Year Complete

One Year Complete...
I have been in Panama for over a year, and I have been in my community for over 10 months now. What a whirlwind it has been! And for that, let me try to give it some perspective....

First 10 weeks - Culture shock, long days of training (technical and language), living in a environment where learning, hours, freedom, food, safety, and families are controlled and monitored by Peace Corps, constant feedback and evaluations, new diets introduced, pit latrines avoided and despised, English speakers living next door, fellow volunteers seen on a daily basis, dinamicas are introduced and seemed outrageously childish

Next 3 months - Period of Community Analysis, Family, Religion, Education, Economy, Health, Organizations, and Politics being the topic of focus of every conversation, new names are introduced on a daily basis, many conversations pass and you don´t know what was said, reunions occur and you sit in a corner and listen, then you get invited to the front to talk and you give your short memorized speak about Peace Corps, yourself, and your program (which is very challenging when it is called Community Economic Development), you learn that your program is being cancelled....Wait.....No more CED after I leave? Why?

Next 3 months - Volunteer Reporting Forms (VRFs) start to count, you worry what in the world will you really put on that thing, your work schedule piles up, you agree to do anything and everything that you are invited to do, teach English, Accounting, and Marketing, help in the school garden, go to every junta you can, you help with many short term projects, can you help me know how much money I made last month, you teach how to analyze financial statements, you teach how to use condoms, you talk about HIV/AIDS in the school, the scenery constantly takes your breath away, the women don´t, time flies by, where did it go?

Next 3 months - Isolation starts settling in, In-Service Training comes, your entire group is reunited in one complex, casinos, swimming, ocean, boats, stories.....a home visit occurs, friends, family, food, flavor, grease in your food, good times, stomach problems........leadership training to community members is given, you discuss the big problems openly because you know what they are (or you think so at that point), you work to write a mission and vision statement, you start working on accounting, you give homework to community groups, you see the problems and failures from non-sustainable development, projects that you agreed to work on during the past three-month period nobody now has interest in, you feel like your language is okay, you set up a condom distribution network in you community because they are not sold to anyone under the age of 18, you realize why so many young women have babies, you keep teaching...........

Past month and a half - you start thinking, ´Am I making a difference?´.... you start doubting your language skills, your community groups still haven´t done their homework, you see the benefit to pit latrines, you would really rather use one than an indoor commode, when the fill level is low and the smell is properly maintained with gasoline, the benefits out-way an indoor toilet and the maintenance is definitely a lot lower, you make an appearance on a reality TV show, you help a local community member write a recycling project proposal, you start a bureaucratic nightmare of getting computers from the states sent to your community, you get health checks, you poop in a cup for three days, you find out you don´t need de-wormer, you solicit books for the school library, you travel to fellow volunteer sites helping teach leadership skills, you realize that dinamicas make seminars successful and memorable, you go on long hikes along unknown trails seeking isolation, you live in a ´Fish Bowl,´the beautiful scenery becomes normal, you start thinking that what used to be amazing is now just average, the women in the community are looking more beautiful every day, you find petroglyphs only a 45 minute hike away, you walk for 3 more hours one way looking for more rumored petroglyphs only to end up breaking a sweat and wasting time, you start thinking about the end........

Hope/Goals for the Future - to start studying for the LSAT, to get a higher LSAT score, to get elected to a PCV in-country committee, to take another vacation to the states, to stop teaching English, to have more free time, to not have to repair your dirt house before the end of two years, to stop having to buy new umbrellas, to see projects start falling through and stop falling apart, to see success, to stop and smell the roses.......to see the cup as half full again.....

The first day in Panama, our Country Director Brian Riley gave a very memorable speech, and it went something like this...

"I want all of you to think about the moment you first stepped of the plane, the moment you first experienced Panama, the moment you first saw it ... the green, lush vegetation.....the tropical birds in the trees.....the palm trees.....the beautiful tropical weather.....the excitement built up in you......the motivation to do whatever Peace Corps asks....the attitude.....the energy....the enthusiasm! Don´t ever forget that! Whatever you do, remember that day!"

Of course, his version was longer, and it contained different words. (So I really didn´t need those parenthesis, but you get the idea)

One-Year to Go